SEX AND VIOLENCE

 During our shift at the homeless shelter, Christy and I talked about her life. Her mom was a state worker and her father and engineer.They was strict but loving, child-centered parents. They were also devout Catholics who taught Christy that sex was for marriage. They lived in a ritzy neighbourhood, and Christy was a member of an elite track club. As a child, she'd won many races. She was in gifted program and attended summer camps for gifted kids. Because she was ahead of her classmates, she skipped third grade. But this meant that when she hit junior high she was immature socially and physically.

      " I was nervous about school," Christy said. "I wanted to prove I was as cool as the other kids . I wanted a boyfriend to take to the parties that the popular girls got invited to. I knocked myself out to get into the crowd."

I asked how she did that.

   " I realized right away that being smart was trouble. I felt like I was ' severely gifted.'  I got teased a lot, called a brain and a nerd. I learned to hide the books I was reading and pretend to watch television. This one guy in my math class threatened to beat me up if I kept breaking the curve. I made Bs and Cs. My parents were mad at me, but I ignored them. I knew what I needed to do to get by. "

Christy joined her school's cross-country team. Some of the boys in the elite group invited her to parties. She had a gang of friends who were the jocks and the preps at the school. By the end of seventh grade , she even had a boyfriend.

  "He was great, really sweet. We kissed and held hand but nothing else. We talked on the phone about twenty hours a week. Our parents wouldn't let's us go out."

    Her first boyfriend moved after the seventh grade. But soon many more other boys were asking her out . She like Adam who was older and more experienced than her first boyfriend. She said, " I remember this one party. We are drinking margaritas and playing this question game . Someone asked about sex. Have you ever gone all the way, or had sex in a car, or had oral sex, or sex with two people at once—stuff like that. If the answer was yes, we had to drink our margaritas."

  “ I was the only one who never took a drink and I felt so embarrassed.” Christy paused.

     Christy explained that she liked Adam and wanted to make out, maybe “go to second base,” but stop before they have intercourse . She was curious about sex and eager to try things, but she didn't want to lose her reputation or break her parents’ rules. She said that making out worked for a while, but then she and Adam started fighting all the time because he wanted to have sex and she didn't. Finally she broke it off.

      Several other guys asked her out right away. She accepted a few offers, but all the dates ended as wrestling matches. Some oaf her friends became sexually active during this time and they encouraged her to follow their example. But she said, “ They want me to have sex so they won't feel guilty. I won't help them out that way.”

      “ I wanted to date but not have sex,” Christy said. “It’s  hard to be popular without a boyfriend, but I didn't care. I wanted to wait at least until I got my braces off. Maybe it was all that Catholic guilt.”

She said , “Now mostly I go on group dates. I always make sure I pay my own way so I don't owe a guy anything. I'm careful not to get too close. I hide my looks and my intelligence. I've learned that being too smart or too pretty can get me in trouble. I want to be ordinary, to fit in.”